(Sigh)…. You know I make it a point to always do something constructive with my time and make sure I do something that really makes a “pop”. However this is that wonderful brick that every random blogger like myself (including this random black guy) steps on and it’s called…writers block.
Although I’m not really a writer so I can’t call it that… but calling it chef’s block sounds rather stupid and if I just call it black guy’s block it sounds like I should either be wearing a black jacket with a fro or I have some kind of personal bathroom issue (back on topic please)
What I’m saying is that I think I’ve “hit the wall” so to speak. See with so many random topics floating about my problem is concentration. I find too many things to write about and then like a child hooked up to an I.V loaded with pixy sticks I lose focus and start running around naked through the mall. (It’s like watching a child run with a fudge sickle only I don’t have a stick up my bum)
So the Question is just W.T.F is this blog really going to be about….well my answer seems to becoming clear…
WHAT EVER THE HELL I WANT IT TO BE ABOUT.
As designated “Random Black Guy” to this popular blog site I invoke the right to find the most random of “loosely” food and restaurant related topics and random treats and bits that I find along the way. I will also be shamelessly promoting my
“Get my ass back to school” fund in which I will find miraculous ways to get money & sponsors to head back to school for my Masters In Gastronomy, with a few utterly useless purchases during the process (I’m ganna get me a Koala Bear)
(isn't she cute!)
Will I get personal sometimes? Sure. Will I speak about restaurants, work experience, and things about the universe of food? Of course. Will I post fun foods that I’ve made, parties that I’ve worked and food savvy events coming up? Absolutely! Will you see my ass on here if you ask really really nicely? Hell Why not (I’ll use white out to paint “chef logs” across both cheeks…volunteers?)
See my P.O.V (that’s point of view for you wankers) is that the internet is chock full of all these fucking websites with recipes and pictures of dishes they made two weeks ago for their child’s birthday party, or some rag tag and more than likely “sexless” couple talking about the soup they made after attending a puppet show they pretended to enjoy.; maybe it’s some pubescent fresh line cook anxiously talking about food at his dad’s restaurant and typing his experience while jerking himself with a cantaloupe, OR maybe it’s some 40 year old (insert race here) female with four kids and a hard working (insert race) husband and talks about her daily interactions with her (insert desperate house wives analogy here) friends, discussing dinner parties, kids lunches, and money saving tips all while neglecting said husband and respectively his PENIS that’s currently banging the nanny that’s making the beds everyday for you….moving on…
People, I’m done with the typical blogs. You’ll see recipes here if they are good enough to get off on, you’ll see the food I’m eating if it’s something I truly feel the need to write to you about it (or I if I didn’t forget my camera), you will see other chefs here if they are willing to share some of their gusto in word form and photo, you will see hot women here if they are willing to pose with “Support Andy Fund” chef jacket on. (call and order now!)
(
Gigidy)
So my fine people…This is my first entry in a revamping and retelling of my secret P.O.V in the world of food, and trust me it gets interesting from here. I will let you know that I shall be leaving in a few hours for a couple of destinations up and down the east coast and I assure you I will be eating plenty…interpret that as you will ;) that is all.
Andy Out
Sigh......Boredom or insanity I’m not sure which side is winning right now but I guess any excuse will do because its all just a result of separation anxiety experienced from not seeing my future wife (and partner in crime) Nu, so I’m going to spend the next few grammatically incorrect paragraphs talking about her and anything else that stops me from grabbing the closest stick to me and whacking it against my keyboard (take the word “Stick’ as you like).
So I found myself consumed by snacks (graciously sent to me in a lovely and surprising care package from my wifey), and as I picked through the bundle...not knowing what any of them actually were because I can read about as much Asian as Stevie Wonder...we came across something incredible:
Congratulations, you’ve just discovered one of my very things I could eat ANY time of the day (besides a 5’1 banana pepper loving Asian Goddess). Animal crackers have that cathartic charm that is only matched by very few childhood memory inducing snacks. Think about all those good times, good eatin moments you had improperly dipping your cheese doodles into the creamy center of a Twinkie? Double stacking little Debbie snacks to make a super sandwich? Perhaps even double stacked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with honey….ok ok so I was a FAT kid I’ll admit it.
*FYI* Andy Lunique Weighed 245 pounds before age 12, 260 at age 13....massive weight loss occurred at age 17.
This is a shirt that I’ve kept for years because my mother bought it for me. It was my favorite color and I actually cried because it wouldn’t fit. In my senior year in high school it was over sized and still is today….call it a reminder...and by reminder I mean keep my ass looking Chef like for the beauty that is NuNu Doll ;)
Now snack foods are a topic that is Taboo at best because I truly don’t snack. I taste ungodly amounts of food on a daily basis even if I’m no where near a kitchen. My interest in true cooking was part of my need for healthier food in my life. The moment I really started to look into what went into my body I was fully aware of how it affected my energy, state of mind, even my mood. It was a great deal of enlightenment for me that I need to pass on to many after me.
Looking at super markets and major restaurants today its so hard to stay healthy. Today chain & quick service restaurants (and by Restaurants I mean “factory trend”, and by trend I mean PLAGUE!) have taken so many shortcuts to produce simple food, with quantity over quantity that its almost hard to fight them off…those fuckers don’t make it easy! When you have restaurants that love to encompass tons of different menu items to please larger crowds you start getting blander and blander flavors with what they serve and broader and broader demonstrations of the power of chicken.
The brilliant folks that decide to mold chicken meat into fries and rings (You KNOW who you are) are among my mandatory restaurant depopulation list.
But you know what, I’ll accept the fast food industry as it is (meaning that I’ll verbally ass rape it later on) but they HAVE provided thousands of jobs across the country, and millions of meals to people who truly don’t have the money or the knowledge to feed themselves properly. (that changes with Andy just ask my Wifey ). Yet they are only pawns in the governments secret depopulation scheme one “have it your way” heart attack at a time.
And once more Jared (subway) can still go to hell because you were sucking the sesame coated cock of the “Burger King” before you starting putting “Five Dollar Foot Longs” in your mouth so hide your shame and apologize to your fans!
Where was I again…oh yeah!
I could go on and on about what chains send me off the deep edge but I don’t have to do that, because some magical fairy decided to bestow upon mankind the one restaurant that could probably fit EVERYONE ELSES MENU ON THIERS, and still have enough room on the back page for a fucking bibliography! This should come to no shock to anyone that the evil food pumping, cult like uniform wearing restaurant that I’m talking about is ...
The Cheesecake Factory.
Now I know some of these readers just got a plate licking hard-on after seeing that name, but I’m not buying it. I truly have major beef (no pun intended) with a restaurant that does so many items with only “Mediocre” gusto, rather than taking less items and making them spectacular; And no I’ve never had the cheese cake but, I tell you right now the day that I do have my first bite and I don’t want to give up my first born child for another bite, then I’m going to be pissed.
Certainly an establishment CALLED the Cheesecake Factory should very well be the superhuman, diamond farting masterminds behind the world’s best cheese cake right? If that’s the case maybe I should go to Apple store (also evil) and ask for a bushel full of granny smiths and Fuji’s. (For those of you playing the home game those are types of apples).
With all joking aside (HA yeah right) my true HATRED! of cheese cake factory comes from them being my consistent competition in other restaurants as well as my own. The “Wal-Mart” of the restaurant industry is a place that I lament eating at, and knowing that I can finish a Tom Clancy Novel before I get to the dessert page of the menu only makes me wonder why I would ever step foot in there again….as a matter a fact wtf made me go in there in the first place? (oh yeah...A food nimrod ex girlfriend);
For the Nicer side of my rant I would say, that is the “Safe” place to eat. All in all their standards for safety in food, and consistency are some of the best in the country. I would probably suggest this restaurant to people in need of a place to go because the quarter they flipped fell down the drain…. Or If you’re the kinda person who likes to name their dining room chairs.
Paradoxically it would very well be the one place in the world I would eat at for the rest of my life. By the time I’m thirty I would have probably tasted every item on the menu, and my plan to have a life ending heart attack would have been in full affect…so in reality maybe I should choose the golden arches instead…I heard the serve fried chicken in New York ;)
That is all…
Andy Out.
